Friday, September 3, 2010

BNN Blocks Chrystia Freeland's Cleavage

Summer's gone. Now it's back-to-school time. More tenured profs teaching two seminar courses on Willa Cather, picking up $130,000 for their troubles. More PhD students pretending that Roo Borson's worth even seconds of a healthy life. This year I'm lecturing on Thackeray and Marguerite Yourcenar. I don't know who the hell she is either, but no one'll pick up that course. The carrot moment happened when the university advanced me $5,000 to head out to a Yourcenar conference in South Africa. That's government-funded cash, baby. Your money. I plan on spending two grand on the trip and a thousand on a weekend in Vegas where the other 2K'll go on the Green Bay Packers to win the NFC North.

I'm not even prepping for my courses. About a week ago I saw an older prof. carrying a box of research on Lord Durham's Report, and the life just drained out of me. Now I'm watching the TSX stock ticker almost endlessly.

Chrystia Freeland was on BNN a couple of days ago. She was wearing a plunging v-neck top and was obviously bra-less. Freeeland's head of something at Reuters, and she's not a bad-looking woman. Here's a picture. Anyway, she was showing a ton of cleavage, enough to keep me interested in the interview with Paul Waldie. Then BNN threw up some electronic text block that completely obscured Freeland's chest. It said something like, "Dow down in August." And that little message stayed on the screen for minutes. Every time that Freeland was shown, the message popped back up. They'd go to Waldie and the message would disappear. Then back to Freeland and up it came.

Freeland has nice tits. Inappropriate or not, that's my conclusion. And this is the kind of post that I really enjoy writing because having already Googled "Chrystia Freeland and tits" I know that no one else is out there digging into this kind of message. Every time that I write something about Atwood I get angry emails from semen-less men and women who never saw a menstrual cycle complaining about how Atwood's an artist and a writer and a beacon of hope. Okay. But do I get people talking? Damn right.

So now Freeland has an admirer. When she goes to Yahoo or Infoseek or whatever site she uses and types in "Chrystia Freeland" this post'll be right there. And is there a better compliment that a man can pay than recognizing good cleavage? That's sure as hell better than being told that you teach The Tragedy of King Christophe better than any other ABD student.
All Posts On This Site Are Intended As Juvenalian Satire. If They Veer Into Horatian Satire, That's OK Too. Just, Please, Don't Take Them Too Seriously. PhD Students Can't Afford Libel Suits. CUPE Doesn't Cover Court Costs.
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