Stephen Harper Having An Orgasm

An impression of Stephen Harper having an orgasm. (He has two kids, so this has actually happened. It must've. Right?)

INT: HARPERS' BEDROOM--NIGHT

The room is completely black. The lights have been extinguished, and garbage bags are taped to the windows. The blinds are shut, and a towel is stuffed in the small space between door and floor.

Stephen
(Quiet.)

Mrs.
Wake up!

Stephen
Forget about me. Just keep going.

Mrs.
Not if you're asleep.

Stephen
What's the difference?

Mrs.
It's sick.

Stephen
Mother Fletcher, it's bright in here. Are those Glad bags?

Mrs.
I'm almost done.

Stephen
Faster.

Mrs.
Oh, you like it faster?

Stephen
Well I can't keep holding it forever.

Mrs.
Then let go.

Stephen
I can't. My watch is stuck.

Mrs.
Take it off!

Stephen
Just...Go!

Mrs.
Are you getting close?

Stephen
I think so. The dust just settled.

Mrs.
Yeah!

Stephen
Yes, that's what I said.

Mrs.
YEAH!

Stephen
My voice is modulated properly, is it not?

Mrs.
YES! YES!

Stephen
Oh, Saint Christopher, here we go.

INT. HARPERS' BEDROOM--MINUTES LATER

Mrs.
That was...okay.

Stephen
I'm never sure that I'm doing it right.

Mrs.
You are. You are.

Stephen
But I can't ever tell if I'm lying there properly. Shouldn't I arch my back, or put a pillow under my thigh?

Mrs.
No. You're doing a great job.

Stephen
But should my arms be at my side like that?

Mrs.
Well...it's a personal choice. Everyone's different.

Stephen
Maybe I should cross them over my abdomen.
(Beat.)
And maybe I...yeah!...Maybe I should wear a tie!

Mrs.
Stephen...

Stephen
Wait a second. These shoes are killing my feet.